иıяанвзІІа- ъנάĉқ٭яoѕєe™

confession.

2008-05-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

ehems.

recently, my passion and interest towards cyber and technology have been depleting.
it has come to a point that the cyber life that is evolving around me is yet another playground.
well, this is definitely not pointed out to those whom i am close with & those that i care.
but it is more likely meant for those people who enters my life and leave like the wind.
probably, the word of friendship & the memories together does not exist in their book and thesaurus of life.
the sudden evoke of emotions of sadness of feeling betrayed and cheated prolly leads to this portion of the entry.
thanks to an unwanted filthy sight i saw right before my eyes at bugis village & a recent cowardly act of avoiding.

enough is enough.
& so i met my ex-colleague, my hot mama girlfriend, linda, for a quick chat.
she`s as hot as ever.mamalicious.
i miss her.

apparently, i have come to a point of realization in her life.
perhaps lying and self-denial is a silent slow suicide.
i guess i am not a good actress as my friend saw through me.
yes.before i knew, before i realised and i could do anything, i fell;
deep into the entangled confusion episode of love.
hereafter, i shall make a timid self-confession;

the day starts with a storm,

leaving me stranded.

stranded and lying with an awful heap,

beyond realisation i feel,

the beat of my heart racing to the beam.

miss a second, skip a beat;

with you i feel my life is complete.

cliche does it sound yet it is so profound,

to that bartender, you're the one that i adore indeed.

am not lying and ain`t no bullshit,

i realise it till when your imperfections becomes beauty.

though it is just a short poem, i let loose my feelings.

read between the lines and you can have a glimpse of what i feel.

stubborn i maybe, i am still a girl, vulnerable and longing for love and attention from the one i love.

to my mr bartender, you`ve been there, always there & always caring.

this plain girl have indeed...starting to adores even the negative side of you.

ohOHh.

sungguh memalukan with that timid-lil-self-confession.

but letting it out bit by bit, really helps me.

done my part & said my piece,

take care hunneyhs ! (:

nights.

2008-05-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

it has been a sickly week for me, bella.
i was absent the wholeee week.
goodness, just how many lesson and group meetings have i missed.
thanks to falling ill.
and thanks to my no-insurance mouth of saying that i`ll go to the hospital.
of which eventually i did and got a jab on my arse.
its painful.
i`d rather donate my blood again if i have a choice between those two.
but thank god, i am now, 80% recovered from those illness and bacteria that was determine to pull me down.
kill them all !!

tadi kan bella semangat raya & semangat orang kahwin.
i bought myself a beautiful don`t know what kain the sales lady recommended me.
it is translucent with rose flower pattern on it.
its RED, gorgeous and beautiful.
it`s meant for my cousin`s wedding as everybody have confirmed to make RED as the colour.
thesecond piece was a black songket organza.
LAWAR !
i fell in love the instant i saw it.
third piece, a beautifully woven flower printed shiffon.
mcm orange2 color dia.
its soft and..beautiful but i have yet to think of what to make out of it.
hahaha !

okay lahh sirs & maams.
my mind is apparently totally blank.
till here.

bellaa.

2008-04-22T03:58:00.000-07:00

hey hyes !

i am back.
back from batam.
hahahs !
to people out there, stop stereotyping batam as a place meant for the wak-WAKs to go for prostituition or to find for another wife.
batam is heaven for shopaholic ! heheh.
i bought stuffs - lot of rustysss, i loveeee rustyss.
ohh well.
i`ll be going to batam more frequent once my bro`s house is fully renovated & build.
yeeehHhaa !
okay.enough of batam.

okay next.
pertaining to human`s behaviour in the mrt as posted by kit the kat.
i have my own piece to share but not regarding the mrt though.
hahahs.
it was only last fri when this freaking arrogant woman bumped into me.
it was initially okay cos she`s probably rushing off to somewhere.
being a nice citizen, i portrayed the proper character of a CONSIDERATE & POLITE singaporean by saying sorry eventhough she is the freaking idiot who bumped into me !
& guess what ?!
in return of my kindness, she gave me a fucking idiotic-boastful-bambooimbo-snobbish face and actually smirks at me !
malu aku ade orgg berbangse mlayu mcm kau !
so what if you`re thin and wear lavishly with a louis vuitton handbag ?
your character just reflects a typical woman with no brain of her own !
a plastic bimboishhbiatchh with no attributes when it comes to basic courtesy !
urgHh.
so in return, contained with extreme anger and DISGUST towards that woman,
i fastened my pace and walked quickly and brushed my shoulder against her and stop exactly at her pathway just to face at her direction.
afterwards of which i purposely bumped into her and gave her my snobbish-serves-you-right-hahaha-bitch face !
my frens were laughing seeing what i did espcially when that woman actually tumbles her way to stable herself from falling.
i know i know.
sometimes, you need to be a part-time bitch in order to live and to teach. (:
and a reminder, bella budakk baik taoo.
btol ! tk tipu..mak kate kalau tipu dosa.
ps: woman is the more defined term for betine.hahahs.

LATEST NEWS !!

bella kene fine !
i got fine !
poofffTtt.there goes my $200(soon).
but it have yet to be finalised but they got hold on to my student pass and took down my particualrs.
i just hope miracle will happen and that i will be given a second chance.
basically what happened was that i got caught red-handed for smoking in the hot-spot school vicinity.
i was caught off-guard.suprised, shocked, fear & guilt overwhelmes me.
guilt, for getting khai into this mess.
if i didn`t ask him to come along for a smoke, he wouldn`t get caught but yarhh he owns up.
beyond my control.
goodness.
how much more sway cn it be.
it has been over a year and i have always been sitting there for hours and hours with the old maintainances before the new ones came and never been caught once.
but now..haiss.
i beg for second chance pls.
i will be a good girl through out the year, i promise.

babbles babblings babbles and more babbles.
i guess it ends here.
(:

confusion.

2008-04-17T07:13:00.000-07:00

greetings.
hey hyes !

i will keep this short.
honestly, i am in an ultimate confusion which i can`t entangled it.
in fact, i fall even deeper into the mess and got myself caught in between.
why does the matters of the heart have to be...beyond words to describe ?
why must it be confusingg ?
must i or must i not ?
i have till next week.
must i waitt and lie low and eventually live in regrets ?
or must i put aside the fear and ego and step forward despite any possible outcome ?

ohhs.
i am shagged i look like a nanny !
alrite.
good nite !
mimpi indahh mimpi bella.

greetings.

2008-04-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

hullohs friends.

well, no matter after how many apologies made,
how many statements stated,
i still do abandon my blogg.
probably its just because i am bored of my old blogskin.
it is just typically me; a girl who does not update her blog due to pure boredom of her own blogskin.
hehe.dumbness.

hmm.a sudden rush of emotions and ideas derives me into updating my blog.

pertaining to irna`s post at her blog regarding fm`s current entertainment life, ku sungguh-SUNGGUH sokong seratus peratus.

basically, kita tak bermaksud untuk menyatakan bahawa fm sekarang tidakk berguna.
what i think is that, the new fm or specifically, the new dj does not deliver or in fact even appear as a professional dj who actually cater to the needs of all listeners.
compared to the old djs, bukan sekadar deliver in fact they go to the extra mile to acknowledge and recognised their listeners by their trademarks & songs.
it really does create an impact to us.
kaki addict fm uhhs dulu bab jangan kata dj, bdak2 dulu semua kaki gerekk.
chat as a whole fm despite the differences or the different clans they are in.
kesundalans, kesialans, keciabaians, kesegala-GALAns semuanya terserlah.
antara diterima atau tidak, is not shown in the fm.
TAK PERLU SOMBONG, TAK PERLU KEREK.BARU ATAU LAMA, LAWA ATAU TIDAK; JUST MINGLE.
cos, fm is another form of entertainment and communication where we can make and bond with our old/new friends.
so pls, try to relive those old hype and ambience when it concerns the fm.
because, in actual fact, fm is just not cyber, it is actually lingering around our daily life.
kepada sesiapa yg baca ini post, it`s not a form of critic or a personal attack.
it is just an observation stated clearly to somehow open certain eyes and perhaps, ponder about it.

well, this somehow really reminds me of my old times with the old fm peepso that i truly miss.
and i really mean it.

i miss you guys !
mashi, anak mama kuss.
ijal, same2 cute tao !
kit kat walau ku baru jugakk kenal, you are one hell of a fun chatter !
bibo the man !
to my kaki lepaks after school, i really wish we can relive those moments.
*irna, apiz, BH, razi & few more*
yesYESyes irna, we are the sundals in fm.
noi, dee: my trios, angels madu no 1 & madu no 2 (respectitively)
blackwidow: noi, dee, nanajaq, bebeh & bella.
ABG FAIZAL ! attz, kraze, memo, krating, fahmi & many-MANY more.
sorry tak dimention & tak letak pics as i am usingg lappie and pics are limited.

next.

i am officialy the first senior to the course, Hospitality Operations.
bey kire ape ? big fuck ? HAHA.
well, i am so used to having the aircon classroom all by myself and now that i need to keep on changing class really drains me and makes me like one retarded student with no prominent place to go and slack with no tom, dick or harry eavesdropping.heheees.*
the modules seems interesting & i kinda love the new timetable.
BUT ! i certainly hate an event that happened todayy.
was brought to the office to write an offense letter as i and cha was caught in our sandals.
wtf ?!
okayKAYs.
heck bout it.

ohOHH.i am planning a suprise birthday party.
and i hope it will be a success.ekreke.

i think i typed too long eyhs.

so my next post of which i hope will be tmr will involves our mini-MINI gathering at city hall ! (:

last note: bella still survives.

absence.

2008-02-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

greetings !

i feel so touched that people remembers me.hehe !

i am truly sorry for the long absence from my blog.

i was just pretty occupied with serious business.

apart from that, i am getting bored with my blogskin thus the source of motivation to update seems to be diminishing, then.ekreke.

&& so.

nirahBELLA is back ! (:

sorry to all especially kat for the wonders of magic i`ve done in being missing.

hehe.

life has been a total drama for me.

2008, may all the goodwill be within my reach.

and hmm..my 2008 will only take effect from 22 feb onwards.

HAHA.

kembarr ! if you were to read my blogg,

our birthday is coming soon !! hehe.

cute 18. :D

less than a month to my final year exam.

my veins can burst any moment due to excessive stress.

haha.

so anws, i am at school, sleepy and have NO idea on what to update.

HAHA.

till here.time to doze off.

greetings.

2007-12-27T05:32:00.000-08:00

bahH !

...

i feel kinda refreshed though am feeling sick.

real sick.

i kinda had breathing difficulty on my way back home, migraine and just feeling feverish.

it sucks.

...

went to mary anna vie birthday pit.

went alone.

and there were a few ppl, wan kittyayam`s (mary`s bf) frens.

it started pathetically.haha.

talked to mary and wan for a few moment and sat at a corner, alone.

like a loser since i don`t know the rest of them.hehe.

wan`s family came.

i saw how close mary was with them.

i envy her.

in a way, i miss being around aburn`s family.

well then i helped out with the bbq thingy.

and mingle around with haikel & miza, nice chaps. (:

so we had a name each for the bbq thing.

me = fire fan girl.

haikel = fire charcoal guy.

miza = bbq man.

wan = butter firestarter.

mary = hunney girl.

hahas.

kecoh tauu.when a bbq cn be done by two ppl.

we actually take 4 to 5 of us !

there were 3 guinea pigs.uhUH.irritating fcukers.

so after cooking what`s needed, me, miza, wan & haikel sat outside the tent.

talking, smoking, playing cards and planning !

hurhur.

MARY GOT DITCHED IN THE SEA & DIPPED IN HUNNEY !

hehe.

she then chased us around with orange syrup and chilli sauce.

haha.

wan was wet and sticky thanks to the sea water and the orange syrup.

miza wallet is in absolute splendid flavour of mayonaise and orange syrup.hahas.

that girl is dangerous.

& so i went home.

...

how i miss aburn so much looking at how close mary is to wan.

it reminds me of how aburn`s face got dunked in the cake i bought him.

haiss.

well, what`s past is past isn`t it.

let`s not dwell into it.

...

nirah relek bella cute && nirahBELLA strong.yeahYEAH.

a tragic december.

2007-12-22T23:42:00.000-08:00

and so, i am forced to update my blog by kit kat and amer.

hehe.

sorry for the long absence from my blog.

too many events in life are evolving around me.

affecting me terribly.

my knees wobble and drop to the ground.

i feel weak, too weak.

this month has been an eventful one.

just last week,

i had a truly wonderful day with my boifee and our frens.

a bouble date.

went karaoke-ing at kbox.

ordered a sprite tequilla shot but got a soda tequilla shot instead.

dumbfcuk waitress.HAHA.

days ahead went fine.

except for a few minor arguments here and there.

something which every couple will face; don`t you think so ?

the arguments ended.

the storm ceased.

the lights shine.

a rainbow ahead, waiting to be embraced.

but never had i expected,

it`s all but just an illusion.

the sky turn dark and

the clouds rolls in...

friday, 21st December 2007.

the story of love.

the love between nirahBELLA and shaifulABURN ended.

tragic.real tragic.

tears flowed non-stop through out my msn conversation with him

it`s not the usual tragic break-up.

as its agreed peacefully by both party.

its still tragic.

tragic at the fact we`re separated.

love do exists.

but fate have decided.

now, friendship is the only bond between us.

despite the separation,

hope still lies buried deep within my soul.

a hope which this love story of us will continue cos..

only you and me know the meaning of our existence in life..

lotsa love, nirahBELLA who still love lots her boifee-then.

untitled.

2007-12-02T03:08:00.000-08:00

greetings.

the atmosphere is cold.

the ambience is dominated by voices and deep shadows creating the feeling of disorientation and entrapment.

i hear voices.

hollow voices chanting my name.

other's don't hear it.
but i do.

it gives me the creep.

am i insane ?

no.just disturbed.

my life is in a perfect MESS.

topsy-turvy.

i wonder why people are lacking mutual respect.

the world is getting globalised.

the technology are getting advanced.

but, attributes such as respect is depleting.

age is not and never a factor when it comes to respect.

even animals are respeted.

that's why they aren't tortured as and when we like.

much less human being.

for each individual deserve to be respected, at least for the pesence.

well, i'm suprised.

stunned by the actions of my superior.

lack of ability to respect.

full of inappropriate behavior.

i wonder how she's cut out to be a lecturer.

i'm sorry to say,

my respect for you is gone.

you don't ask for respect.

you need to GAIN respect.

ohh well.

let's live life to the fullest and not get distracted.

nirahBELLA will always be thegirl she is.

a happygolucky girl.

but i guess i want to incorporate nirahBELLA with the blackroselady.

blackroselady, me then.

a girl who may not have the world-ly wealth and beauty but she's strong mentally and emotionally.

well,

that's just me.

nirahBELLA.

or shall i say.

i'm that blackroselady.

hmm.

lovesLOVES always my hubby, shaiful afiq.

and so,

i'm just me, that BELLArose.

hee.!

greetings

2007-11-15T06:27:00.000-08:00

testTEST.

shocked.sad.

apparently, those two emotions are really running wild within me.

there`s nothing more i can say to describe.

i lost a dear family member just a few hours back.

it wasn`t expected.

but the that`s life.

we will all go back to HIM one day.

the last time i saw my uncle, he was perfectly fine.

talking.joking.

like a normal human being.

but who expect, a life of somebody can end anytime anywhere.

uhUH.

he was working.earning for decent money to bring home.

when he fainted.

and then.his chapter of life ended.

we can`t cry for his 'departure' and certainly not rail at the loss.

Allah loves him more.

to allahyarham cik majid,

pemergianmu akan diiringi dengan doa.

kehadiranmu pasti takan dilupakan.

semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat

& di tempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.

Amin.

without forgetting,

nirahBELLA syg bangeetttt sama shaifulABURN.

mwuahHmwuaxX.

2007-11-10T23:14:00.000-08:00

greetings.

sunday.

sundal day.yahh true.

hmm.

days and nights past.

within a blinking moment the day is just about to arrive.

anniversary with my beloved hunn.

anws, what i`m about o type will practically be mushy.

the power of love kot ?

HAHA.

to beloved shaiful afiq a.k.a my bloody biatch,

i love you lots lahh sial.

lets keep on to our hooked fingers promise and work hard towards our happiness kays ?

i want those dark days and grey clouds to be over.

willing to be there for me to eliminate all those fucking problems between us and start anew ?

dearest husby, nirahBELLA sayang shaifulABURN lahh sey !

awak sayang saya ? HAHA.

baAhH !!

wee..i`m done with my part for the sales & marketing project.

i loike.

hehe.

as for the entrepreneurship, i`m almost done.

give me pills.

and i`ll gain the strength.

just pictures now as i have yet to think of what to write.HAHA.

'minimini lepaks reunion' + there were 2 of fir`s friend.

-blackHORNfir-nirahBELLA-PHARAHdilah-

nirahBELLA.*photographer:fir*

titi & siti.amcm okay ? HAHA.

baAhH ! hullouhhsS storemate ! =]
darlink !
one word, LOVE. ♥

baAh !

2007-11-09T03:40:00.000-08:00

greetings. =]

boohhoo !

ages.yes its been ages since i`ve last updated my blog.

probably because i felt that there`s nothing interesting for me to blog.

it was then when a sudden tinge of guilt stings me;

it`s abandoned too long, -drained of stories.

practically, school has been one of the busiest period ever.

currently, i have TWO major project.

one of which, for the entrepreneuship(part 1) is due this monday.

kind of rushing.

the most worrying thing is that, there`s only me & is officially in the group.

mary is unofficially our group member as she have quit school.

sad but true.hope she will succeed in whatever she pursues.

my another project is for 'sales & marketing' module.

there is me, kade, ida, haikal and supposedly mary in the group.

we are the 'event planner' planning for a corporate dinner & dance for 500 pax.

another headache.

fuuhH !

but i can do it.i hope.

yeahYEAH !

ahh ! enough with school work.

hmm.

ohOH ! i made a 'new lame' friend.an entertaining one.

HAHA.

bahH !

my storemate who stole my eyes whom heart i took and ran off with.

hahah !

crap i know.

lol.

& hmm.

i had a 'mini lepaks reunion' ? after school just now.

i met up with irna & farah at school then head back to my darlink`s crib.

i miss him !

damn ! i`ve been lonely without him around.HAHA.

ohOH i wasn`t long.cos soon after, i met farah again to go to bukit batok mrt to meet up with fir.

initially, i only wanted to take my beg but then we lepak-ed.

it`s been ages !

yahh.another abandoned story.

HAHA.

we lepak-ed at bb until ard 4+ and made our way to jurong west.

there we saw razi !

hah ! i mentioned mini reunion didn`t i ?

haha.

so yarh.

i just make my way home.was tired.

had fun with all the bloody jokes rushing through my adrenaline back again.

baAhH ! nirahBELLAbelo is revived.hahaha.

so long.

will upload the pics soon.

& oh OH i love my boifee, shaiful afiq !

tartarSs...!

greetings.

2007-10-22T05:20:00.000-07:00

hello !

its been ages since i last touched my dear bloggie.

hahas.

well,

celebrated darlink bday at his house.

a suprised one by me ! haha.

i went raya with the PB crew/warriors.

boyfie friends.

had fun though there`s alot of delay.

school has started.

had project on Singapore entrepreneurship.

had just finish it completely.hee.~

& oh oh.

went to housekeeping room.

and learn to make bed.

interesting but troublesome.

haha.

guess what,

i have a bloody throat ulcer !

freaking pain.cannot salvage the food.

haha !

hmm..i miss my kit kat much !

am blank on what to update now.

have fun looking at my photos then.hee.~

while waiting for the lift.maroon couple.cute kan.i know.HAHA.

darlink says its an evil smile.is it ?bahh ! cake all over.nirah strong ! yeahyeah !

not much pictures though.havn`t fully uploaded.hee.~

till then !

as always,

nirah is topsy turvy and burning with aburn`s love & i love shaiful afiq !

boredom.

2007-10-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

greetings.

first and foremost,

i`d like to apologise to dee and the rest for not being able to turn up to break fast with you guys.

i was caught busy at my sis house.

i`m terribly sorry.

i hope you`ll understand.

i feel like such a freaking useless friend.seriously.

from the bottom of my heart, you have my deepest apology, i am sorry.

currently, i am at my sister`s house located at bukit batok west ave 8.

hmm..

it`s only 10++pm now but the boredom i`m feeling is more of that during the wee hours when i just can`t sleep.

i reached here yesterday night ard 10++ and will only be back on sunday.

no phone nor long usage of internet for communication with friends and my beloved darlink !

so i`m spending my days at my kakak house baking kuih raya.

baked kuih tart, however those were meant for my sister.

so, am gonna bake tart gulung tomorrow for me.wee.! haha.

it has been only a day, but i miss my shaiful aburn !!

okayKAYs.my mind`s a mess.

I MISS YOU SHAIFUL AFIQ.

as always,

nirah is topsy turvy and burning with aburn`s love.

tartarsSssSs..!

greetings.

2007-09-27T01:31:00.000-07:00

it`s 27 of September 2007.

27-2007.style eyks.

lol.

hmm.

today mark the day of aburn`s victory.

he saw the defeat of a girl named nirahBella in her struggle at the battlefield to save her dignity.

dignity from showing any signs of tears or the fall of the mighty expression which always shows happiness not otherwise.

as of today onwards, i`m left with 22 days to continue battling with aburn`s in any aspect.

definition for the word battling in my term is,

to be with him, pampered, love, squabble, sillying, joking & all those we always do together in the presence of each other.

19 of October 2007, the day he will be departing for his vocal training at Malaysia which will last for 6 mths.

will keep on waiting for his return inclusive of his weekly return during the weekends, that`s if his schedule aren`t tight.

i`m gonna miss him, that sundalans aircon who never fail to make me laugh and smile.

I LOVE YOU MR ABURNTO.

suddenly,

i become numb.

i couldn`t care less to those people around me who just couldn`t seem to be contented with their own life.

messing with mine ? tarnishing my name with the hope of destroying my happiness, my peace ?

i don`t care.

i believe in karma.

yes i do.

& hello, i am happy with mr shaiful afiq bin md salleh by my side. =]

as always,

nirah is topsy turvy & burning with aburn`s love.

tartarsSssSs.!

hello.

2007-09-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

today`s monday

and officially, today is my first day of holiday.

hmmm.

today is a plain but sure a memorable day for me.

did cleaning and spent quality time with him.

*winks*

break fast at my sis`s crib.

i ate to fulfil my nasty desire of gorging.

HAHA.

i ate mee siam, roti telur, cucur ayam && oreo donut !!

the donut together with the strawberry milkshake is YUMMY !

oreo donut & strawberry milkshake is love !

heee.~

hmm.

to my beloved friend,

i have not much words to say to you.

cos whatever i`ll say, it`s you who decide.

it`s your life.

plus, it regards your love life - a crucial part in your life.

like you, each girl wants to be pampered and love by he whom we call our love.

you`ve found yours.

but you`re doubting his sincerity and truthfullness.

as you know, he was a piece in my jigsaw puzzle life.

however, that piece brings more of a rocky journey.

nobody knows what and how i feel after all that i`ve been thru with him.

if your love with him is solid enough with a good base, go ahead.

but remember, he is a man full of jealousy and hatred which leads to his revengeful act towards that person in future.

okay, that only goes for those ppl he dislike.

let`s not highlight on his bad deeds.

as a lover, he is a very caring, loving & concern boifee you could ever get.

seriously.

an advice, be ready for the drama to begin.and i REALLY MEAN DRAMA.

be patient.

i wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

thought of the day: listen not only to your heart, for your heart feels but ur brain thinks.a tainted heart which shares tainted love, cause more of a disastrous than pleasure.

before a hurricane strikes the lane, get off the path.

as always,

nirah is topsy turvy burning with aburn`s love !

tartarRrrssSsss !

greetings.

2007-09-23T05:19:00.000-07:00

it`s sunday night now.

it has been a busy sunday indeed.

woke up, bathe.the usual stuff.

then followed mum to the market to get her 'old' chickens & veggies.

we then made our way to Bimla.

"no problem ada Bimla."

HAHA.

she bought for herself a Baju Kurung and tudung.

both purple in colour.

suits her. =]

& i got myself a pink flower brooch which can be made into a locket.

i loike..!

reach home.

spring cleaning !

not fully cleaned though.

does it sounds like a boring sunday to you ?

but i like it..

quality time with mum.hahas.

okayKAYs.

so once again,

nirah is topsy turvy burning with aburn`s love.

tartarssss !

unpredictable.

2007-09-21T21:17:00.001-07:00

HelloWELLO.

honestly, my thought are just running around in twirls.

i`ll be absolutely happy thinking bout my happy moments and be absolutely down thinking bout the people around whom are hurt.

its really stressful and exhausting to feel this way.

let`s just blog bout the things that are troubling me okies ?

bare with me.

firstly, i`d like to apologise to raja ohh raja if i hurt you.

seriously.

things have always shades of grey between us.

i`m sorry.

hmm..and.

to apek.

i`m sorry this must happen between us.

things are not meant to be.

our ways are far too different.

i`m hurt enough.

just don`t decide hastily about your life, operations and stuff.

and, there is still room for you to repent.

think bout it.

and my ultimate worry.

is none other than aburn`s departure on the second week of raye to malaysia for 6 mths for his vocal training/classes.

i`m ubberly saddened okays.

i still remember the tears that rolled down my cheeks during our discussion bout this.

it is hard for me.real hard.

6 months ain`t no short period of time.

i`m gonna miss him.

but that is his ultimate dream i musn`t be a hindrance.

all the best to you dear.

i`ll always be supporting your decision.

forget me not kays.

distance is not a matter if our love is true and strong.

i love you shaiful afiq.

tartarsSss.!

Good Afternoon.

2007-09-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

HelloWELLO.

nothing much to update.

am at aburn`s house watching bangsal 13.

a good show however there`s a great distraction seeking for attention.

wakakakajaja !

oh yarhh.

i enjoyed going to the pulau tekong thingy.

a lot of eye candy canns ?

HAHA.

30-36hrs more to end of detention.

god, pls lighten my burden.

LOL.

as usual, i have a habit of uploading photos together with my entry. =]

nirahBELLA & shaiful aburn

me with my cutey lyra
*wanted*

cute kan nie dua anak.

family. =]

tartarsSss !

plain old.

2007-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

well, myriads of feelings.

seriously.

like paint balls,

different colours are all splashed at me at one go.

i`ve wiped it all choosing only one colour.

i did.

i`ve made my choice.

but what if my choice taint other colours.

ohh well,

am going to Pulau Tekong tomorrow to send Abg Hafiz to camp together with cik & cik zain.heee.~

am looking forward.

seriously i`ve been wondering how Pulau Tekong is like.

now i have the opportunity to go.

but i am really wondering regarding my school.

i was thinking to go to school after the whole event at Pulau Tekong`s tomorrow.

hope i will have enough time.

but whatever it is,

I MUST MEET MY DARLINK TMR !

i miss him so.

so so much.

enough of tomorrow.

talk bout today.

i break my fast along with all my family members at Cik Wahab`s crib.

it was a crowd.

fun.a family reunion with all the kiddos running around.

i bought Snow Skin Tiramisu Cheese Mooncake for myself.

it was yummy !

but i prefer ain`s, Snow Skin Cheese Mooncake.

ate a lot.

Briyani with meat, chicken & veggies.

murtabak, roti kirai, bubur chacha & fruits.

and i spent the next painful minutes in the toilet.hehe.

ohh well.

that`s it.

oh oh !

i love shaiful afiq aburnnnn !

topsy turvy.

2007-09-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

HelloWELLO.

first and foremost, to all muslim..

Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa !!

puasa jgn tk puasa.ekrekeke.

am really looking forward to raya.

lol.

am wearing gold ! hehe.

together with my beloved aburn who keeps on burning me.

wakakajaja !

so yarh.a month before raya.

weee..~

next,

i am prodly announcing to you all that...

my exams are over !!!

am very happy !

but crap.need to stay for ard 30hrs for detention.

thanks eyks.

need to start to change for the better !!

last but certainly not least,

thanks for everything inc the tears of joy, pain, etc from you.

well, i am that bitch who have changed.

thanks so much for those words spout at me.

you ain`t any better either.

bleeding nose & head ?

what about THIS bleeding heart then ?

did it hit you ?

did it concern you ??

you rant about me in your blog.yada3.

our relationship then was filled with lies & tragedy though like what you said, it seems happy to the public eyes.

well hello ?

others saw you with girls.hugging at that.

with reasons ? oh yes.

fack it.

ain`t a newborn babe.

those tears, never had you wiped it dry once.

in fact, you pushed me away.

i made you hated by those people around me ?

wake up mr.

WAKE UP.

its bout you.not me.

yes i do have my freaking problems too.

i do create trouble too.

i acknowledge my mistakes.

yes.if i`m a normal reader at your blog.

i`ll sure be cursing that bitch called nirahBella for making you suffer.

but then..do they know ?

no.

only you & me know the full story.

the whole tragic chapter of our life.

hack it.

its the past.

let`s rake it not.

ohh wells,

will want to end this entry by saying...

i`m loved by a guy whom i love.

lol.

thanks for the gift hunney.

i love you, shaiful afiq bin md salleh.

miracle.magic.name it.

2007-09-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

helloWELLO.

magic ?

miracle ?

name it.

but i think its fated ? okay.crap.
so basically, i`ve been going out with a guy name,

shaiful afiq a.k.a aben

whom is my schoolmate since sec 1.

4 years back.

however, only recently did we actually really contact-ed each other.

surface, he is just a normal guy

but upon knowing him,

he is such a lovable friend.

hmm..

people are suprised to see us together.

so yarhh..if that day comes, with god willings..

insyaAllah. =]

psssttt...if only he loves me like i do...

2007-09-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

hellows !!

ain`t much to write.

basically, i`m having exam illness.

lol.

having my final year exam on monday, tuesday & wednesday !

of which it starts tmr !

i`m scared canns ?

well, went to study with a secondary school friend of mine.

funny.really.

we had NEVER talk even a single smile wasn`t exchanged before during sec sch times.

weird isn`t it ?

so yarh just putting some pic taken with Is.

a top class bitch who gave me a mini makeover.

heee. :)

thanks !

resurrection of this blog existence.

2007-09-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

HeLLows !

after almost a year, my blog is alive.

resurrected with the help of ..

amer hamzah !!

a.k.a

wonderkid-87 in doing my blogskin.

ekrekeke.thanks a lot !

didn`t expect this blog to be alive again.haha !

hmm.am practically very tired.

lack of sleep.

too many things are playing in my mind.

ohh well, that`s why this is called life.

nothing comes by easily.

so basically i`ll just give a basic summary of my current life.

school.

a total trash.

it`s just going haywire & it seems that people are getting the wrong idea of my actions.

seriously.it`s not that school ain`t my priority or whatsoever negative shyt they may say.

but thing is .. there`s just something pulling me down.

lame ? excuses ? name it.

but yarhh...

school is my priority !<br>

well, went to give my last respect to razi`s dad.

hmm.

a sad thing.

went there with fir(blackhorn), apiz sanchez, bb & pharah.

i wore head scarf.haha !

i look different.will update the pics as soon as possible.

well, looking at them.

i was indirectly affected.

those expressions on their face.

those hidden tears.

the devastation in losing someone very important in one`s life.

if only i can be there every hour to bring back the colours in his/their life.

yes.it wouldn`t be the same.

but heck, there`s still meaning to, it doesn`t it ?

well, all i can say is that.

"may his dad soul rest in peace and be accepted among those loved by HIM."

amin.

do take care dear fren.

am always here to help you.

below are pictures taken then:-

[it captures alot of memories.photographs do tell a thousand stories doesn`t it.

well, a special friendship with quality spent.

now, it is a abandoned..]

emo shyting for 10 mins.

2006-11-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

hey people.

haha.
i`ve started working at MAA insurance company planner.
as an office gerl doing administrative and filing work.
its quite easy but super tedious.
hehe.brain-tiring.haha.
however, i decided to find a part-time job which will start after 6.
then i`ll be tired and exhausted.
it will then enable me to sleep soundly without thinking of hym.
my rascal king.
memories of him is just suffocating and tearing me.
haix.i miss him.
well, fuck-it.who cares.
am finding work tomorrow.wish me luck.heh
hope i can get work either at fullerton or swissotel as a waitress.hehe.
welcome work!
goodbye brokenheart!
thnx to min sentol so that i won`t emo.haha.

kk.
chiaox.
bye!
take care!~

updating..hehe.

2006-11-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

heyheylo.!~

enough with poems.!~

heh.

so many things too little time.well, so far had gone to three raye 'outing'.

my first raye outing was on 26 October 2006 (3 syawal) with the graduating class + zul, the wak general.we rented rented a bus from 11.30 in the morning till 11.30 at night.around 21 of us needed to pay $14 each.it`s worth it especially with the condition of the bus which is superbly good!~(clean with good aircon.) haha.!~well, as usual my house is the first house and our fun ended at mr hisham house which i miss it thanks to my dad`s non-stop blabbering.so, topa ended up fetching me from jurong west st 52 (hafiz daroji`s house).the ride was fast and cold.brrr..* i miss my rascal king.how i wish he could be the one to fetch me.

my second raye outing was on 28 October 2006 (5 syawal) with my family members.reached home kinda early around 11.nothing quite fascinating just that the baju kebaye i wore is super itchy.

my third raye outing was just recently.haha.it was on 12 November 2006 (20 syawal) with the B.O.N.brought along my niece, yana && apul.well, apul, yana && me was late thanks to my blurr-ness && legong-ness that ended up lost for like one hour at the yew tee/choa chu kang area.sowie ppl.so we went to my house next.wasted trip.sheesh.!~ had a sudden attack of migraines.was super painful i almost collapse by the side of the road.dang! apul helped to massage my head and the pain feel like killing me.done with woodlands area we made our way to pasir ris, idah(bungkus's girl) house.a sudden feeling purged my heart! i miss him && i still do.i still love him.fuck it! i should not.we`re history.i should just move on.

okae done with rayesss.am in no mood to raye anymore..to woodland-ers.sorry yarh.

weee....~

i`m left with two o`level papers! yeeee-haa.!~ super duper happy! haha.history will be less than just 24 hours.! urgh! and my last paper which will be on monday.yes! then i can calling-calling the office.hehe.wish me luck ppl! hehe.alrite.shld get cracking! woohoo.~

toodlex.chiaox.!~

2006-11-10T09:16:00.001-08:00

hie.

like puppets,
we're controlled by strings.
a snap of it and we came falling.
is this what we call life?
full of injustice?
or is it just us?
humans, who are just foolish;
who tend to repeat their mistakes over and over again.
are we that oblivious?
regrets after regrets only after it occured.
only then will we realise the losses we suffered.
and to realise it is all too late.
we dance to the tune of life.
we sway to the movements of fate.
like, hatred and love.
are feelings which we all possess.
like.
like cakes top with cream.
everything seems sweet and pleasant.
but, they are all illusion.
hatred.
too much of it will cause a disastrous effect.
love.
back to the real world.
a complex and unexplainable feeling.
can you describe it?
can you define it?
no.
only experience can tell.
only u can tell.
like blooming flowers,
love is the most pleasant majestic feeling.
brought up into the sky,
nothing seems to be able to hurt.
knifes, scissors and choppers?
they ain't weapons to kill.
but mere words,
they can kill.
like swords,
they slashes our heart.
gushing out every hope and life that stayed within.
leaving us suffocated.
left alone to wilt.
dying of a broken heart.
perhaps it is just my interpretation.
an interpretation of a girl who's been killed,
by the one she truly loves.

::copyright::
..bLackRoseNirah..

remeniscent.

2006-11-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

heylo.

a moment to remember.
a moment to cherish.
a moment when there's only me and you,
when even birds whistle to our tune of love.
i miss those times.
i miss those hugs.
i miss those kisses.
cheeks.lips.forehead.
i miss him, the rascal king.
the one who holds on to my heart,
muhd asyraf bin sharudi.
it seems like only yesterday.
we enjoyed the view.
the hearts made by the fireworks.
yet now,
memories are only left to be cherished and kept.
a close to our love story.
a story;
so sweet, so meaningful;
a story full of love.
a story i wish will goes on forever.
but fate decided,
a story of us will only be an illusion of happiness.
you are you.
and i am me.
a separation.
bitter harsh reality.
i have to accept that.
but this love i`ll keep.
it will keep on beating;
till fate meet me with the one whom i`ll love.
till the day come,
only memories of us play in my mind.
only you are in my heart.

::copyright::
..bLackRoseNirah..

2006-11-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

heylo.!~

my mind goes haywire.
my feelings were let loose.
holding on to a trigger.
i really wonder whether i should let it loose.
in my mind was only him.
only him and no one else.
those memories; it rushes through my adrenaline.
those thoughts of him; it just suffocate me.
those hugs.kisses.
i miss it.
i just miss him.
i just miss my used-to-be rascal king.
i just miss muhd asyraf bin sharudi.
does he know?
even if he does, doesn`t he care?
fuck it.don`t be an emo.

::copyright::
..bLackRoseNirah..

2006-11-07T05:36:00.000-08:00

hahahaha.

`graduation day.

2006-10-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

hey.!~

lets trace back on the day which marked a history in our life.
October 25th 2006; Wednesday:-

without realising, 4 years have gone so fast.
like the sea, life in secondary school has been a rocking stage which evokes feelings of each and every person experiencing it.
year 2003, as strangers I, my schoolmates enter dunearn as a freshmen seeing each other as strangers.
unknown.
yet, on this significant day, 25 october 2006,
we're graduating.
all around are what we call our friends.
4 years has passed like flowing water on the river.
fast, fluid yet choppy at times.
misunderstanding are inevitable in life yet sometimes, all these that occur create a big difference in our life.
well, let bygones be bygones ppl.
lets cherish the moments we had together.
let our friendship be of what that can last till the end.
forgive && forget. ((:

a joyous celebration.~

2006-10-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

To all muslims out there;

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri,

Maaf Zahir

Batin.!!~

To my friends;

Halalkan makan & minum.

Ampunkan segala silap kata & bahasa.

Enjoy people.!~

((:

my poem

2006-10-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

unlocking the lock to the book of my soul; and revealing my hidden feelings.

unexpected yet planned;
destiny brought us together.
weird as it may,
you touched my heart and enter my soul;
when once you were a total stranger
who means nothing but just another living.
but now;
etched on my heart is your name,
and to love you is a must.
a splendid moment it was;
the first date.
kept and treasured,
sealed in my memories.
perfect it is;
the beginning to our chapter,
so sweet and so fine.
the first kiss, i remember.
hill.lake.turtles.rocks.
sweetness lingers.
romance in the air.
perfect setting,
perfect place.
for you and me.

::copyright::
..bLackRoseNirah..